autistic culture

Self Diagnosis Is Not A Privilege. It Is Deep Seeded In Trauma

Aviva Seigler

“Does your autism make you nasty?” is what I was met with when I told my toxic mother that I was diagnosed with autism on September 30, 2013. 


How do I remember the date? The only appointment that was available was my birthday and only appointment that was available. I thank my toxic mother for holding onto my ADHD report from when I was diagnosed at 6 years old. 

Today I saw a meme a certian person who tried to have my children removed from my care had posted that said that self diagnosis is a privlege. That people who are “really autistic” have no choice but to be diagnosed.

When I was 6, my teacher told my parents that something wasn’t right and I needed to go to a child psychologist. After a few appointments a a long series of tests, I was diagnosed with Attention Defficiet Hyperactivity Disorder in 1988. At that time girls weren’t diagnosed with any neurodivergence so I consider myself lucky. It still came with heartache.

Autism isn’t just a label to me like these anti neurodiversity activits say. The labels I had growing up were”

“thoughtless”
“selfish”
“stupid”
the r bomb
“lazy”
“daydreamer”
“unbalanced”
“attention seeking”
“emotionally disturbed”
“miserable”

I am sure there are others I am forgetting.

Not being diagnosed because of the lack of information when I was a child was not a priveledge.

I was suicidal since I was 7 and I was told I was faking it. As an adult, I thought I wasn’t good enough for my kids and actually tried drinking cleaner because they deserved a mother that was more stable. Around this time my mother offered to help me die. This was before I figured everything out.

When filling out the checklist for bug’s autism evaluation, I realized that he was just like I was as a kid. This realization is not uncommon. This was about the time I met Emma. She saved my life. She made me feel like I was worth saving. I never told her this.

So when you say self diagnosis is a privlege, please check yourself. Not being diagnosed until I was 32 came with great heartache and suicide attempts. I know Connie and Fiona wish I suceeded. I’m here to stay.

Published by Aviva Seigler

Aviva Seigler is the executive director at Fierce Autistics and Allies. She is a writer, an activist, and an advocate. She is an LGBTQ+ autistic from South Florida, is married to a very supportive husband, and has six children. She has been fighting the CD protocol and other quack treatments since 2014. She is a veterinary technologist (LPN for pets). She has her associates and bachelors degree in Veterinary Technology from St. Petersburg College. She is very involved with scouting with her six children. Three of the children are autistic but all are Neurodivergent. Her hope is to bridge the gap between allies and autistics while fighting the pseudoscience that threatens all people, not just autistics.

1 thought on “Self Diagnosis Is Not A Privilege. It Is Deep Seeded In Trauma”

  1. Pingback: Duh Files: Bystander Effect Is Less Effective on Autistics – Fierce Autie

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