autistic culture, Disabled Parenting

Having a Hard Time Transitioning Isn’t Just For Children

Having trouble transitioning is a common characteristic of an autistic child. What does this look like for an adult? It is not the same but it’s similar. For adults, it’s transitioning to a big life change. For example, in my life is a huge move, and having to shut down my business that I have been building for almost 9 years.

Decision to Move

My husband and I made the decision to move our large neurodivergent family from South Florida to the Adirondack Mountains due to the cost of living. Our rent went up by close to $1000 in one year. If we stay, we would not afford to live. Moving will cause a huge change for our family.

Soon after we made this decision, I applied for my old job that I had before we relocated to Florida. I got hired immediately. I have a job for when we move. That is a good thing. I hadn’t worked for them in 15 years, though.

Why This is difficult When It Is the Right Thing

My husband and I have lived in South Florida for 15 years. I built a business over the past 9 years. I poured my whole life into building my pet care business. I am a veterinary technologist. Most vets could not relate to me and fired me. Florida is a right-to-work state so they did not need a reason to fire me.

I have built an extensive client list. My clients have treated me like family. A few years ago I had tendonitis of the Achilles tendon. One of my clients is a doctor in a nearby hospital and told me to take a short walk behind her condo so I don’t overdo it. As I was walking her dogs, her neighbor was freaking out that the dogs were pooping in the grass and I was picking it up. He then started yelling at me. I said I was sorry and I went back to my client’s house.

Then I texted my client to warn her about what happened. She then proceeded to scream at this neighbor because of what he did. He subsequently moved out.

So when it comes to my business, it’s a piece of me. The other day, it hit me that I will be closing it down. It caused many meltdowns and shutdowns. I build this. It was a part of me. It feels like I am losing a child.

How It has Effected Us

I started to pack and sort everything. This started over 6 weeks before our move. I first started with the garage, then our bedroom. I packed up the china cabinet and other chatskis. I was doing all of this way before we move and it started to freak the kids out.

After this was said to me, of course, I internalized it all and thought I was an awful parent. I am always wondering if I am doing the right thing. I have a strong support system to reassure me and I really need that.

I am having a lot more PTSD episodes. Everything the kids do have been causing a flashback. It’s nothing that they did, I am just more sensitive now to triggers that cause these flashbacks. Just joking around with my oldest child, I have flashbacks of being the scared little child waiting for my father to come to abuse me. My mother never put her hands on me but my father did. My mother just said things over and over again to make me feel bad about myself.

After being talked to by my partner, we scheduled a psychiatrist’s appointment. I talked to the doctor and she said she can help me with medication to help with this. I start it tomorrow. We will see how it helps.

What I Realized

I recognized that I have a hard time with transitions. The process of moving is extremely stressful. When I have the plan to do anything, I am in a hurry to get it done so I am not in a transition period. The transition period is the hardest for me and a lot of the members of my family.

I am sure we are not the only neurodivergent family that experiences it. We always tell the kids that we will be much happier after the move takes place and we are in our bigger house. If you are going through a big transition, give yourself some grace. I did not do that and it affected everyone around me.

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